Ego warrior! Spirituality, ego & Magick

The following is part of an ongoing conversation with an Ovate student about ego, spirituality and occult groups:

“I whole heartedly agree with you that there is a lot of egotism in esoteric and occult writing and groups. I would like to say especially in the past, but it’s a fine tradition that’s still being practiced today! The modern GD orders only slow their in-fighting to attack and condemn the OTO and anything Crowley. The US OTO, from what I understand, are currently tearing themselves apart with “named“ members leaving in droves. The wider Pagan communities is always rife with disagreements, arguments and rivalries. It’s a truly sad state of affairs. While I can’t comment on the OTO etc specifically because they have their own hierarchy and organisational issues, but I think that s large part of the problem is that to step away from the mainstream and follow a magical/esoteric path that encourages self responsibility you already have to be a fairly strong and independent character. It doesn’t take much for that strong character to tip into ego, especially when confronted with an equally strong character with a slightly different approach or point of view. It’s a sad fact that few working occult groups last very long. Organisations like OBOD and (to a degree) OTO survive and continue either because of their size and formal hierarchical structure in case of the OTO, or because of their open decentralised approach as in OBOD. But their smaller membership bodies are still prone to infighting, and there are always a number of disgruntled ex-members and detractors nearby. I first ran into this first hand at the start of my OBOD journey. Our fledgling seed group was taken under the wing of the Derby Grove. Within a few short months of first meeting them, the Derby Grove was no more, having torn themselves apart through infighting. Even my own Grove was not immune. We thrived and survived for 22, mainly enjoyable and harmonious years, before the unchecked ego of one member, taking advantage of death of one of our founding brothers, recruited a couple of accomplices, formed a schism and launched an array of personal attacks that caused the old Grove dissolve. The bulk of us quickly reformed into a continuation Grove. the worse part of it was that up until a year or so ago we counted these members a close friends and oath sworn spiritual family.

Unfortunately ego is a powerful, often destructive, force that we are all susceptible to, especially when we’re passionate about something. In many ways ego is a central theme in spiritual and occult thought and practice. Qabalistic systems are often based on the “ego journey“, with “ego-death“as an achievement of the lower grades and an initiation requirement of Tiphareth. Tiphareth is but a reflection of Kether, where the journey culminates in ego annihilation or absorption. At Cefalu, Crowley grandiosely claimed the grade of Ipsissimus proclaiming that he’d achieved ego annihilation of Kether, to my mind paradoxically demonstrating that he hadn’t! The inherent problem is that you must have a powerful self belief and ego to believe that you can even get to the stage of transcending or absorbing your own ego. The ego must sustain and drive itself to its own destruction to achieve its own goal. There is a side conversation we could have here about cultural differences and effects on ego between East and West spiritual approaches, but I fear that, despite what I said earlier, I’ve waffled onto long on this subject already. So instead I’ll paraphrase Lon Milo Duquette who pithily summed up the paradox with “man, I’m gonna look SO cool when I loose my ego“.

Druidry, Thelema & The Golden Dawn: Another look at my Magickal path.

A response to a student question:

“Your last email made me smile. In a few short paragraphs about a revelation of Druidry as a magical path, you perfectly summed up a spiritual journey that I pursed and struggled with for 20years!

You asked about my experiences with the GD, Thelema and the AODA (I was also briefly involved in one of Michael Greers other orders The Druids of the Golden Dawn or DOGD). So I’ll take an indulgent moment to talk about my background and journey.

It really all started when I was around 15. I’d dabbled in tarot cards a bit, and I was aware of Paganism as a nebulous concept. Then I picked up a copy of Aleister Crowley’s ‘Book 4: Magick in Theory and Practice‘. I read it from cover to cover and hardly understood a single word! But it spoke to me, called my soul. I knew on an intuitive level that it was something deeply and profoundly important that I needed to understand. That drive to unpick Book 4 lead me to explore magick and the occult.

Obviously one of the first places I looked was the Llewelyn ‘Complete Golden Dawn‘ and various books and authors around the GD/Crowley theme. I liked the Gd stuff as seemed clearer than Book 4, but less practical because of all the paraphernalia and the amount of people needed (I was still only around 17yrs old at this time and the internet was many years away). Realising that full ceremonial practice was unrealistic at that time, I (as suggested in Book 4) started reading about other religions, traditions and paths. I looked into Wicca/witchcraft, Shamanism, Asatru BotA, Amorc as well as more mainstream religions. One day in 1990 I saw a tiny advert for the fairly newly relaunched, ‘Order of Bards, Ovates & Druids‘ sent off for the introductory pack, thinking of it as just more research. I started reading the Gwers and something just clicked.

One phrase I hear often as a mentor from new Bards is that it feels like “coming home. And that’s how it felt to me. Like I’d come home, that it was right. Fast forward 15 years of work, study and experience and I completed the Druid grade and my formal studies with the order came to an end. After 15 years this suddenly left a void (although I’d been invited to become a mentor at this point and was going through training) I had read Michael Greer’s “Druidry handbook“ and “Druid magick“, and I knew that the AODA did a credit transfer from OBOD. I joined thinking I’d skip the foundation grades and start somewhere in the middle. Instead they transferred me straight over as a “Druid companion“ which meant all I had to do was submit a lengthy project to complete their grades and graduate as a full Druid! I never did submit a project and I’m still technically a Druid Companion of the AODA. Over the years the AODA has grown and had some changes, and to be honest I’m not sure I like (or understand) their order hierarchy or structure, too many Arch-Druids for my taste!

Over the 15 years I spent working on the Gwers I also kept up my interest in all things GD, Crowley and the like. After the AODA was a wash out I looked at joining one of the GD orders to run along side my Druidry. After spending some time online researching the various groups, their courses and their claims I got heartily discouraged by the amount of hostility, backbiting and politics involved. I didn’t want, or need, to step into that kind of environment. I did however, have a small library of GD material and the Cicero’s “Self Initiation in the Golden Dawn Tradition“. So that’s what I did. Using the large Cicero book I worked through the preliminary exercises and on into the grades, gathering the equipment needed as I went along.

Over a couple of years I worked my way through the first 4 grades into the threshold of the Philosophus grade 4=7. By that point however, I felt I was just going through the motions. I was raised as an atheist so most of the biblical symbolism completely passed me by and left me “cold“. I also felt I was just treading water because I’d covered most of the grade work already (and in a more accessible way) in the Gwers. The reason I found it all so similar is that OBOD is largely based on the GD structure. So much so that Ross Nichols (Nuinn) wrote to Israel Regardie seeking a formal charter. As far as I’m aware the GD influence became part of the Order through CC George “MacGregor“ Reid. Reid can be seen as one of the most important figures in modern Druidry and was the founder of the Order that eventually birthed OBOD. He was also very close friends with S.L. MacGregor Mathers and other important members of the original GD. Anyway, eventually my GD studies dwindled off and are currently on indefinite hold.

My relationship with Thelema is way more complicated and full of contractions that I won’t go into it now. I will say that I think Crowley is in equal measures an occult genius and an absolute arse. He went so far, then over reached and fell foul of his own ego. I identify strongly with much of Thelema but find no value or credence in other facets. I am, and I am not, a Thelemite….

I did say it was complicated! To answer another of your questions I started my blog “A Druid in the Aeon of the Child“ in part to explore my relationship with Thelema and the Gd from a Druid perspective or Druidry from a Thelema/GD perspective, but it hasn’t quite worked out that way yet… The other order I mentioned that I briefly belonged to was J Michael Greer’s Druids of the Golden Dawn (DOGD) based on his “Celtic Golden Dawn“ Book. When I saw that this book was scheduled for release I had great expectations for it. Unfortunately, to my mind, it utterly failed to live up to those expectations. It wasn’t Golden Dawn enough to be Golden Dawn, and it wasn’t Druidic enough to be Druidry. Instead it was a sad bland blend in the middle. Working in a small chat room with JMG and his atrocious wife was also a challenge to say the least. Perhaps it was just my interpretation and perceptions, but it certainly wasn’t for me!

As you described, the interweaving of these approaches, despite how both similar and dissimilar they are, for a long time left my with the nagging feeling that the ceremonial systems were somehow more “real“ or “powerful“. It took my winding journey and various experiences with various techniques to fully appreciate the quiet, subtle strength of Druid Magick. The ‘ceremonial‘ approaches were very formulaic and structured which gives them a feeling of gravitas and certainty, a weight of tradition and effectiveness. But it’s these same qualities that can also make them feel unwieldy, restrictive and hollow.

Druidry on the other hand is more free flowing, instinctive and creative, but that lack of formality can also be a down side as it doesn’t offer any “formal structure“ or prescribed practice to fall back on. Ceremonial Magick can offer a good, immediate feeling of “I am doing Magick“ whereas Druidry is a lot subtler, but no less effective. Ceremonial Magick can be a dramatic (but often short term) shift in consciousness whereas (I’ve found) Druid magic is a deep running current of consciousness shift. Druid magic may not seem very mystical or flashy, but it taps into the forces that turns the acorn into the oak tree, or means that a river can carve a canyon. Of course it is possible to work Ceremonial (and other magical practices) and Druidic Magick together, it just takes practice and experimentation.”

Of Gods, Goddesses and Divine Willi

The following is part of a conversation between myself and an Ovate Og student on the nature of Deity:

Student:

“One Gwers mentions that “pure deity” is formless, nameless, and genderless, which is how it has always seemed to me. I lack the usual human tendency to anthropomorphize Spirit and experience or see it as a tall woman with long red hair who helps your cows give more milk, or even a less specific entity that grants blessings and healing. For me, Spirit manifest in the elements – the fire of fire, water of water, air of air, earth of earth – and is experienced through the five senses. It infuses everything with a particular elemental quality that can be supplicated and invoked, felt, joined with. However, hearing others articulate their experience and viewpoint is often eyeopening and I’d love to hear what your experience is. The Gwersi often refer (in a generic sort of way) to The Goddess. There are also references to The Devine Will. Would you share with me what those mean to you?“

Response:

“Thank you for asking your question. One of the aspects of mentoring that I really enjoy is the opportunity to try to coalesce various nebulous thoughts into some form of (semi) coherent order! So here goes…

Firstly I would say that I totally agree that “pure deity” is formless, nameless, and genderless, and I also struggle to anthropomorphise “pure deity“. I personally feel that part of the problem stems from the predominance of Christian thought in the development of Western culture. Although I was never raised as a Christian, have never been christened, and have only attended church services for funerals, the Christian concept of an all powerful watchful God has still been, to a degree, indoctrinated into me. It is the prevailing “god concept“ of Western civilisation. Compared to this omniscient, omnipotent creator the more “human“ Pagan Gods with their dysfunctional relationships, foibles and conceits can seem somewhat “petty “and less powerful. They fall short of the grand concept of God that we have come to know. Therefore some people find it harder to relate to in that way. I’ve found that the key to building a better relationship with the Pagan Gods is to try to abandon the Abrahamic God concept and approach the Gods as they are. The Pagan Gods are relatable archetypes, aspects of the divine, that help us to understand what it is to be human and how to relate to our immediate environment. Many of the Pagan Gods characterise important aspects of the human experience. They signify their importance whilst confronting us with the need to acknowledge and work with them, even if they are uncomfortable characteristic that we would prefer to avoid or suppress. By learning to recognise and honour these aspects we can learn to build a more balanced life experience. We can also learn how to navigate relationships with ourselves, other people, and the environment. To me the anthropomorphised deities are complex but relatable avatars of the pure deity.

When we refer to the, somewhat nebulous, “The Goddess“ I feel that we are focusing or emphasising the more traditional archetypal “feminine“ aspects of Deity, such as nurturing, creativity, fertility, protection, instinct, empathy etc. We are not talking about a specific anthropomorphised individual, but are referring to general universal principles of life giving, growing, sustaining and compassionate energies. The Goddess balances and compliments the traditional archetypal “masculine“ energies of “The God“ (sometimes referred to as the Horned God to denote a more earthy “natural“ nature, and to clearly separate from the Abrahamic sky/desert God). The God is the equal of the Goddess. They are Ying and Yang. One cannot exist without the other. They compliment, define and contain one another. On the Qabalistic Tree of Life the archetypal masculine and feminine energies are, respectively, Chokhmah (wisdom) and Binah (understanding). They are the 2nd and 3rd emanations of Ain Soph or the pure/infinite divine.

The first emanation on Tree of Life is Kether (The Crown) which can be seen as the Divine Consciousness or Divine Will. For me the Divine Will is the energy or essence that is the manifest universe. It is the force that “drives“ creation.

So, to draw that all together in some form of coherent structure, there is the Pure Divine that manifests and enables everything in its Divine consciousness or Will. We can perceive the Divine Will as having masculine and feminine principles which we refer to as “God“ and “Goddess“. The God and Goddess energies can also be experienced on a more approachable “Human“ level through anthropomorphised Gods and Goddesses and the myths we tell of them. By honouring the Gods and Goddesses, or The God and The Goddess, we can access those divine principles (the divine spark) within ourselves and each other. And we can recognise that we are part of the manifestation of the pure divine.“